The Joy's of 37

So I don't really know what happened.
I feel like I had one of those coughing fits where you have to try really hard not to pee, and BAM!
I went from 27 to 37.
All kinds of shit happened I wasn't prepared for. For the most part I was cool with, except for ass hair.
I am not a particularly hairy person, so I got kind of lazy with it until I walk by a mirror naked and think I have a hipster comic coffee nerd staring back at me from there.
I'm sorry. What?
No one told me, "Hey, it's tough being a woman but one day your ass will be a man."
It is hard though.
When I was younger all I wanted was people to listen to my ideas and stop objectifying me. Now if someone notices me enough to objectify me I am having a good tits day.
You know. I good tits day?
When your one decent bra is on and not trying to murder you like your a vampire from Buffy and it seems like those perky little twins that got you served alcohol really quickly are kind of bloated from retaining water to fill the sad gap.
You know how after babies your boobs change from oranges to pears, well that leaves a sad gap.
I have been married a long time.
I has it's benefits.
The socks, OMG the socks, are really, really good.
Men's socks are like feet hugs and moss that has been watered the the tears of virgin wood nymphs.
Women's socks are thin. You can still feel every bump in the pavement like you are reading foot Braille or something. Thinner than make-up counter smiles.
I had dreams.
Some of which came true.
But I have really fucked up dreams.
Being 37 and married and a Mum and I feel like I am supposed to be contented or some shit and I am just pissed off. Although I could just be hangry.
I spent so much of my life waiting. Waiting for other people, waiting for my time, waiting to be heard, and it was all a fucking con.
It was all this society joke. If you do all of these thing, THEN we will take you seriously.
I am a nerd, and also a spiritual person and both groups don't get the other group importance to my life. I am down with it.
I just have a bonus on religion checks as I am levelling a triple class character druid/bard/barbarian.
Or as my daughter calls it Bardbarian druish.
Having a +2 handle animal helps with being in comic and geek store.
Guys, what is that smell?
It's like a horde of billy goats who rolled in tiger shit ran through the shop, a week ago. I know my breast clearly stop my brain from working but it doesn't effect my nose!